Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
