a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
