instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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