so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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