They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
