We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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