He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
