Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
