well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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