i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
