So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
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We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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