Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
