In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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