I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize