stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
