eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
