You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
