Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
