if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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