I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
