You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
