the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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