You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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