I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
