He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
