Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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