D3 body, D1 cock
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
