WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
