Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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