i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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