smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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