this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
