my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
