Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
