Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
