that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
