We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
