hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
