I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She made me pour olive oil on her.