i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?