all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?