Lets date for the summer
Dont love me in September.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.