This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
