Whod you bang
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
