He is such a slut. More and more my type.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You're like the curious george of whores
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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