Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
