dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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