life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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