The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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