i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
