Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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