i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
