Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
