No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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