lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
