I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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