why do cheetos always look like penises
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
