woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
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Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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