I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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