I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
