so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
