i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
