Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
