I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
