Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
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She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
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But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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