no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
