and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
