Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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