so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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