so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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