Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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