My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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