I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
