went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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