Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
