Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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